Update 2013.

I wasn't even thinking of coming to this blog but after commenting on gay films reviewed by another blogger, I figured to re-read some of my blogs here and kind of make an update here. I can't believe its been over two years since I've written about anything here. Haha, a lot of things have happened no doubt. First off, I'm still single and every now and then I think about Jessie. I have no idea why but I miss those days and I think what it would be like if it worked out between us. Being single can be a good and bad thing. No human wants to be an island forever, they do want to be loved as well.  I'm still employed in DFS but after 8 months with Gucci, I was transferred to the Foreign Exchange Department where I have been at for more than a year already. I prefer it then the sales floor and maybe I will look for another department elsewhere. I would have thought maybe the bank industry would work for me but given the changes they have in their cycle - I should not take my chances.

I cannot wait for my palawagan to get here. I'm not sure what to do with the money. Half of it to savings while the other half goes to bills. I want to pay off my Macy's foremost, followed by PFC and that irritating Columbia House debt as well. I also want to pay the car loan one month in advance just to be on the safe side as well.

Nothing much to report here anyways. October is set to be my driver's license month and I better get it pronto!!! Wish me luck.

Wind of luck is blowing at me...!

It's been a pretty lousy start to the year and for the next couple of months I would be unemployed and trying the best of my luck to find an actual job. I was close to gaining one at the Bank of Hawaii but alas, it didn't turn out well as I was not suited for the job - that was in February. So I had to swallow my pride and ask family and friends for a little assistance in paying for some monthly bills. Suffice to say, I was at a low point as I saw myself dwindling in hopes of escaping this situation. Luckily, it also got me to look for answers spiritually and while it took some leap of faith and prayers on my side to just wish for some good news, it was answered by a fellow witness to our congregation to lead me towards some luck via Duty Free Shopping. Although I turned in other various applications before DFS, I actually was leaning towards this company mainly because there business model was great, I did absolutely well in both interviews and a week later, I was just informed that I was chosen. Albeit, it is a part time position for the Gucci department, I was glad and I think our Heavenly Father for answering some of my prayers. I'm just ecstatic that I get to work, pay off these debts, start saving and of course give my time to the congregation and also pay back debts to the friends and family members I loaned from. I was also reading a great blog from a Facebook friend of mine and it got me thinking that all it takes is a little positivity and perhaps a little bit of risk taking to turn your self from a spectator in life to actually active in it - thanks David Robert.

LIfe's becoming dreadfully awfully silenced.

I seriously need some kind of counseling or psychiatrist to talk to. I feel as if the world's moving and I'm stuck in the same place in time. I'm going through life like its all a blur, not accomplishing anything, no one person who really understands me emotionally or even someone to empathize me. People tried or attempted but they end up assuming something else. I'm usually good in expressing myself with words but there's this feeling thats inside me that I can't quite put into words and it eats me away. I keep going forth with a non-chalant attitude and a smile but its becoming apparent that time is not going to be on my side. I haven't gotten a job yet, haven't done anything in terms of obtaining my license (with only less than 3 months before the permit expires) and I still haven't proved to anyone just how much I want to be on my own....bills here, sorrow there, I'm here now but the person I'm seeking to be is years into the future. Someone help me please....the darkness is beginning to overshadow the light.

It's a new year -- recap a little of 2010's thoughts and now.

I don't know what to think sometimes. 2010 was a year of highs but it also was a year that ended in some personal lows. With the death of Jade, it really opened up my eyes at how truly our lives can be taken. Here and there I find myself thinking about her and I shed a little tear and there. I'm still a little upset about being fired from Island Fresh too. I really don't know why I took that job for granted and I remember even thinking that I shouldn't do that. But here I am, jobless and looking for job; filling up applications and trying to get interviews going. So far, I only had one and even that I'm not sure how I fare. It's as if these days, I don't really care...I feel stuck and just procrastinating and just regretting about alot of things I should have taken care of when I was younger. Do I really feel that old? I'm only 27 years old for crying out loud. I'm somewhat stumped as to where I'm going with my relationship with Jessie and have no idea how to voice my concerns to him. He just seems so busy and I feel so inadequate in what I have to offer to him. I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't have savings, I don't even have a driver's license. I don't have alot of anything going for me. There's alot of the word, I, in this post and its sickening me. I'm depressed and I don't really know how to muster the courage to just take one step in the front door. I wish I had someone by me who can give me the encouragement and faith and patience to do well. There's times when I just want to run away from it all...I don't know, join the AirForce and just be by myself but then the thought of me being so alone and isolated scares me. I feel like the world is moving forward and I'm being left behind like a scared child in the dark. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be constantly thinking about how I'm not living life and spending sleepless nights just sullying way. Time and life doesn't wait for no one so why am I so scared?! At what point in my life did I become this way?! People say I'm smart and that I'm strong willed because I'm so good at hiding my insecurities but the truth is, I don't know myself at all.

This year should be about starting over and with the death of a friend/former co-worker in the midst of a paddling practice, I feel like I did when I found out Jade was gone -- a pitiful feeling in my stomach and the one song from Carrie Underwood I repeatedly play. Let God show mercy to those who need it and to save and grant salvation for the ones who truly ask for it whole-heartedly. I want to get my license. I want to become independent and help around the household. I can drive mother on her errand runs and I wouldn't mind doing so.

I sure gave good love tonight.

I had a most wonderful time on my date. He picked me up around 7 right before I was gonna eat a little of the food from my brother Morman's party. Thank goodness because I saved my appetite so we can go eat Chinese food. We went to a Chinese restaurant in lower Tumon and had a buffet. Food was great, dessert was okay but the company was better. So we chatted and talked more about my family and past and about his. All in all, not a bad way to start the evening.

We decided to leave about 830pm so we can go catch a movie. We decided to watch Iron Man 2. We parked on the rooftop of the Micronesian Mall and made out a little. His lips against mine was what I craved for all week as my hands found themselves caressing his chest. I made my lips to his ears and licked it a bit before I continued down to nape of his neck and eventually lifting his shirt up so I can caress his supple nipples with my lips and tongue. He moaned in his usual sexual tone and that got me going. Of course, we had 5 minutes to get to the movie or else we would miss it. I told him after the movies.....

The movie was alright with its share of boring storyline and cool CG effects and fight scenes. There were definitely some foreshadowing of movies coming up: Captain America, The Avengers and perhaps Thor after the long-ass credit finished rolling.

We made out once more in the parking lot of Pay-less and this time it got more steamier. I did the same routine as before but this time, I decided to test the waters and see if I can fondle his package without getting the brush off. Well, this didn't seem to bother my date and actually turned him on more. He reached over to grab my crotch as I unbuckled my belt for him to access it easier. Of course, I got excited and I wanted to just suck him off. He did not hesitate and in fact, he decided to even unbuckle his pants and helped me get a hold of his cock. I was ready to just take his warm dick into my mouth and as I did, he let out a most sexual moan that got me going. I jerked his cock, sucked on it, fondled his balls and tea-bagged it afterward. I was so into the moment that I deep-throated his cock a lot and he definitely was in cloud 9.

Eventually, he jerked his cock off and I was excited to finally see him release his jizz. He did and I helped cleaned it up and softly sucked his now overly sensitive cock off. It was a great way to end the night on a very hot

may 19 rocks

I've been pretty much having a four day vacation this week. Sunday, I was off; Monday I switched schedule with my co-worker Scholatica so she can make up hours in exchange to be off; Tuesday I was shift leader between 12pm - 7pm; and now I'm off again today for Wednesday. My brother Albert, finally gets his vacation from the merchant marines and will be with us for a month which means, I have to sleep elsewhere in the house. Other than that, today's been one lazy day. Today's also my brother, Morman's birthday and so we're having a little BBQ at the house for him and his friends he's inviting over. As for me, I'm gonna go jogging and then off to my movie date with Jessie. I have no idea why I don't know his last name....perhaps, I'll ask him one day. When I'm with him, I feel like a shy and giddy school boy. I enjoy holding his hands, kissing his head while he's driving and just complimenting on how he smells so good. In exchange, he just nods and shyly acknowledges my presence and I don't know, it warms my heart. Of course, another side of me wants to just rip his clothes off and go straight to making out with him and doing some other adult-rated things with him.

For now, we decided to have a movie night tonight so we'll see which one to watch. A nice way to end the night. He's been busy and I've been not-so busy. So wanna make out with him and nibble on his chest...heehee.

It's been a good two weeks since I've been dating Jessie and I am really feeling him still. He took me out for a nice and simple and clean birthday. We went to the mall and he treated me to a haircut at a Korean hair salon he goes to and I really enjoyed it! We went to try on some outfits at Macy's and experimented some colors for me -- I chose a nice plaid outfit that we both agreed looked foxy on me! We ate at Aji-Ichi and man, I loved the Japanese food: tempura, fried tofu, sushi, bento boxes and some good ole yakisoba was my dinner. We went to the Hilton to get some cheesecake but before getting down, we made out in the parking lot. Was I complaining - no way! I found his sensitive spot to be his right ears and I was so loving nibbling on it. It almost drove me to lose myself and just take advantage of him but I controlled myself and enjoyed the moment. So a good half an hour later we're eating a slice of cheesecake, a strawberry tart cake and some mousse. We chatted and enjoyed one's company and I couldn't help but gaze into his eyes and giggling at his smile. He's so handsome and so wholesome! By the end of the night, I just got myself one inch closer to finding him more attractive. I enjoyed my birthday date and heres to more!

On other news, I co-signed a car with my friend Jade and now I have one year to get my driver's license or else the insurance papers will be messed up by then. Man, talk about pressure! Work is hectic with performance evaluations coming up and a raise as well. I wonder if Bank of Guam will call me to their offices for a job as a teller in one of their branches (hopefully in Tumon).

Wish me luck.